I skipped work to stalk him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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