i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
