THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
