he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
