I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
