They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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