where am i from again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
