In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
