Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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