i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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