I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Shame - the story of my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
