Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
