Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
