I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
