i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
