i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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