we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
