Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
