if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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