so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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