just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
