he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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