week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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