Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
