He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
