I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
