you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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