He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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