If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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