Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
