You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
