Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
where are my eyebrows?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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