I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
