I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
