Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
