The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
