why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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