I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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