Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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