My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
