So drunk, too bad you don't want this
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
