Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
