i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
