u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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