Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
