sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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