Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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