Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Randomize
