Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
