You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
