and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
two words...techno handjob
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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